


Laze and graze

by what_a_dork_fish



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Animal Transformation, Eskel is such a goat-dad, Gen, Geraskier is implied, Goats, Poor Jaskier | Dandelion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:35:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25334746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_a_dork_fish/pseuds/what_a_dork_fish
Summary: Jaskier should really stop flirting with the daughters of vindictive mages...
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 25
Kudos: 172





	Laze and graze

**Author's Note:**

> I am now OBSESSED with animal transformations I am so sorry

Jaskier was not exactly thrilled at this situation.

“And _that_ for flirting with my daughter!” the magician snapped, before kicking Jaskier square in the snout. He stumbled and tried to swear, but all that came out was a strange noise like a human yelling. Of course. Goats can’t talk.

So Jaskier walked away, grumbling to himself.

Geralt was going to be pissed.

Luckily, Jaskier had left his lute at the inn, so it wasn’t affected by this change. It was lucky because for some godsforsaken reason, his clothes had been changed to fit him, and it was annoying. He didn’t want to know what would’ve happened to his precious lute if it had been hit, too.

He trotted into the village, and ignored how people stared. He had to find Geralt. Geralt would help him. Or maybe one of Geralt’s family would help him. Eskel was a goatherd and Lambert was the baker, and Vesemir was the schoolmaster. Jaskier knew where all of them were. If Geralt wasn’t with his horses, Jaskier could go to one of his family.

Geralt was not out with his horses, nor was he in his house. Jaskier knew this because he made lots of noise outside and charged the door multiple times with no response. In an annoyed huff, Jaskier flopped down on Geralt’s doorstep and waited.

The sound of slow, nearly silent footsteps up the path. Jaskier looked, surprised—and saw Eskel approaching, with a calculating look on his face. Jaskier didn’t care, too relieved to see one of the Wolves; he scrambled to his feet and pranced over, butting Eskel’s thigh affectionately and trying to tell him what had happened. Unfortunately, Eskel did not know how to speak Goat.

“Chatty little fellow, aren’t you?” Eskel murmured, petting Jaskier gently. “Very tame, too.”

I am not tame! Jaskier tried to say, outraged.

Eskel then scooped Jaskier up in his nicely muscled arms and began carrying him away. Jaskier bleated, even more outraged, and struggled, but gave up quickly. Maybe Eskel was taking him to Vesemir.

It was when Eskel walked right past Vesemir’s house that Jaskier realized what was happening.

Eskel was a very good goatherd. He loved his goats like they were his children, and hated to part with them, but sometimes his herd got too big and he had to sell some. Sometimes the increase was breeding. Sometimes the increase was because, if there was any goat around that no one claimed as theirs, Eskel snatched it. He loved all goats, and that included random ones just found in the area.

Jaskier sighed heavily. Ah, fuck.

Luckily, Eskel treated his goats like royalty, and Geralt often visited. Jaskier just had to wait until Geralt came, and then Geralt could fix everything. This was fine.

~

Jaskier was horrified when Eskel cut off his clothes, and bleated angrily, but Eskel was used to handling goats that did not like being touched, so he held Jaskier firmly and got the clothes off quickly.

“Alright, little one,” Eskel said, gathering up the clothes. “Now you should be able to move better.”

And damn it, he was right. Jaskier spat at him, then minced away to mingle with the herd. Fucking goatherds.

~

Jaskier found that, as a goat, when he was hungry, he would eat literally anything. The flavors of plants were interesting, actually. Flowers were sweet, with a hint of tart. Grass tasted like dirt, but also held a savory edge. Nettles were sour, but in a good way. And clover was absolutely beyond delicious and it took a firm headbutt from the dominant goat to get him away from the clover patch.

Eskel led the herd to a nice sunny spot in the hills and sat on a rock, watching them with one eye while he carded and spun wool. The villagers preferred to give Eskel their wool, because they claimed he was the best. Some of the sheep farmers even asked him to teach their children.

Jaskier got bored of just wandering through the herd and eating, so he strolled over and flopped on Eskel’s feet. Eskel chuckled and reached down to pat him gently.

“You must’ve been a pet,” he murmured. “I hope whoever owns you looks for you. If it was some noble, though, I’m going to buy you, because goats should _not_ be put in fancy silk clothes and then set loose.”

Jaskier made a derisive noise and nibbled the grass tickling his nose.

It was a very lazy day. Eskel spun wool, the goats acted like goats, and Jaskier lay on Eskel’s feet and missed Geralt. He was very annoyed when Eskel moved the herd, but as soon as they stopped again, Jaskier trapped him again. Eskel just patted his side and got to work again.

Returning to Eskel’s home, he shooed his herd into the barn. Three of the goats had just weaned their kids; Eskel milked them, humming, and then took the milk out of the barn. Jaskier, curious, tried to follow him.

Eskel turned and narrowed his eyes at Jaskier, who stopped immediately. After a moment, Jaskier trotted the last few yards and bumped Eskel’s leg with his horns.

The man sighed at the goat and said heavily, “Fine, you can come with me. Just don’t wander off.”

Jaskier behh’d at him.

There was a small, well-built shed next to the barn; inside was Eskel’s secret to being able to afford fifteen goats when the money from just selling milk and spinning wool would only support ten. He made cheese. It was widely regarded as the best cheese in the village, even including Farmer Dern’s cow-milk cheese which drew visitors from around the county. Too bad so many people were too scared of Eskel’s scars to buy from him.

Jaskier stayed out of the shed. He did not like the smell of goat cheese, and he didn’t particularly care for the smell of curdling goat milk, either. So he laid down in the grass and waited for Eskel to finish.

When the milk and cheeses were taken care of, Eskel closed up the shed and brought Jaskier to his house, which was really more of a large hut, but was still comfortable. Jaskier was surprised that Eskel let him come inside, but, well, Eskel was widely considered to be an absolute softy. So Jaskier wouldn’t complain.

Eskel gave him a bowl of oats as he made his own dinner, humming. Jaskier ate, then trotted to the fireplace, which had a large, soft rug in front of it. Feeling smug, Jaskier laid down on the rug and dozed.

“Definitely a pet,” Eskel said with a chuckle.

~

“Eskel, have you see Jaskier?”

Jaskier woke immediately, scrambled to his hooves, and charged to the door, where Geralt and Eskel were standing, cool dawn light streaming in from outside. Geralt yelped as Jaskier slammed into the side of his leg, but Jaskier didn’t care, frolicking around Geralt and trying desperately to tell his dear idiot horse-trainer that it was _him_ , he was _here_ , Geralt save me!

It took Geralt a minute, but then he knelt, grabbed Jaskier so he’d stand still, and said, “Bleat twice if you’re Jaskier.”

He happily bleated twice, and butted Geralt’s face gently.

“Well, fuck!” Eskel exclaimed. “I thought he was just someone’s pet!”

“That tends to happen,” Geralt said agreeably, grinning as Jaskier nibbled his collar affectionately. “You dumbass, Jaskier, you _know_ Berril’s protective of his daughter. Come on, let’s get you changed back.”

“Wait.”

Both Jaskier and Geralt looked up at Eskel, who had a very odd look on his face. “Can’t I keep him as a goat?” he asked.

Jaskier lunged and headbutted him in the crotch.

**Author's Note:**

> Goats comment. Do you?


End file.
